he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
