had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
