I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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