Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
