Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My liver just had a heart attack.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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