I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
