haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
