Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
