I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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