She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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