Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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