I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
