i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
