Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
