We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It's rum buckets o'clock
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
