just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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