end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
