Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
