A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
