I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
