i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
