There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
