so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
