I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize
