You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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