So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
