I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
