ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
