I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
