I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
