as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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