my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
