Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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