It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
