Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
