thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm just crazy horny about you
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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