Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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