so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
