yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
