508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
