My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
