I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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