you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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