you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
