awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
