You really coming over, don't trick.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
