I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
