Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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