i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
vagina is talking i cant
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
