hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
