Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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