its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
