I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
