4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
