C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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