I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
