i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
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