OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
