Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
After tacos, we're chasing women.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
