He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Girls should come with a carfax report
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
